“H” is for hate

In a past season I wrote a handful of these ABC entries and I moved them over to My Whirlwind Life. So if the story itself seems dated in some way… that’s because I wrote it a few years ago.

So 4 months passed between “G” and “H”and “hate” was the “H” word that came to me, over and over again when I wrote this a couple years ago. So today my “no, think of a different word” excuse isn’t working. So here it is.


verb1. Intense and passionate dislike for someone or something
. 2. To have a strong aversion to something
 3. Used politely to express one’s regret or embarrassment at doing something

I don’t think I should use the word “hate” enough for the right things. I want to be a loving and kind person. Ideally so hate shouldn’t be something I feel towards people especially. I think there are for sure things I hate to do or hate to eat.

In this very moment I ask myself “what do you really hate?” I can’t think of a food, I can only think of running, but I don’t know that I actually hate running. I can’t think of a person, which is good. But what does come to mind is that I hate how I frustrate myself. If I could map out what I want to accomplish in a week, from little things to big things, I hate characteristics within myself that conflict with accomplishing things.

So here’s what’s making me think this: I’ve wasted a good probably 8 hours over the last few days watching Casey Neistat videos on YouTube. This started because Randall showed me a few of his videos and I was left wanting to see tomorrow’s Vlog… Casey video-blogs every day. So Monday came around – I had my list of things to do, and somehow I spent 2-3 hours in the afternoon ignoring my list and watching his videos online. Randall’s response to this was weird – he was surprised I even was in to it, and then he asked:

“What do his videos make you feel?”

Two days have passed and another probably 5-6 hours of Casey’s videos (note I was stuck at the dmv for several hours, so it passed the time). I’m still thinking of the question. “What did they make me feel?”

You can google Casey Neistat, his videos are pretty entertaining. It’s like getting caught up on a tv show. He is a very creative and hardworking guy who is very thankful for his audience and very encouraging to his audience too. He says stuff with “go for it” and “just do it” motivation. He’s pretty cool and really doesn’t care what anyone thinks. He’s wild and does adventurous stuff too. He also has a little baby girl too.

I first heard of this guy several years ago when Randall’s friends like swore Randall and Casey were doppelgängers – maybe like 50%, but from the side when Randall’s hair is long. I found myself so deep in the videos that I was (maybe still am) convinced I need to send “mail” to Casey. He includes “mail time” in his vlog. And send a picture to him of Randall and ask if Casey thinks Randall is his doppelgänger? Back when his friends used to say he looked like Casey I always said that’s dumb! But ask I watch the videos, Randall actually acts similarity to Casey too- just the spunky wild stuff, the creativeness and Randall also marches to the beat of his own drum. So after watching the videos I was convinced to send mail! I’m even maybe convinced that we should wonder around Anaheim this week since he’s in Anaheim for a conference and maybe we’ll bump in to him.

I didn’t and haven’t sent mail. And wondering around Anaheim is the worst idea ever and actually this is where the word “hate” comes in. I hate that I wasted so much time. I hate that I became invested in something that doesn’t matter and certainly is NOT eternal. I put this as a Priority the last few days when it totally should not have been. I hate that I let my fleshly interests get out of control. I hate that I wasn’t more self controlled.

So Casey’s “just do it” messaging I suppose brought me here to write this today. But I’ve still be pondering Randall’s question of:

“What did it make me feel?”

Honestly, I feel empty and unsatisfied at the end. I feel the need to click the next video and vicariously live through his life. Is my life bad? NO! Not in anyway. In the end I think it just made me realize the world leaves you empty. What should I have been doing instead?

Well I started the book of Isaiah this week in my bible with the goal of reading it through quickly. In 3 days I read 8 chapters, but if I read instead of watching videos I’d probably be done and on to more in the bible. I feel so strange honestly as I reflect on what I feel. I feel like the videos made me feel like I wanted to be a part of something bigger than myself and have a voice and matter.

BUT I have that. I have that in Christ!! God and his plan for salvation is the bigger thing and he wants to use my voice and all that matters is that as many people as possible end up in heaven.

I HATE how wrapped up in the world we can get, and how our flesh so quickly runs off and away with something like a fishing line or something. Reel it back in!

Lord I want to be resting in you, and in your word! I want to be busy doing things for you and for the kingdom.

1 John 2:15
 Says – Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

Romans 12:9
 Says – Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

Not that Casey’s videos were evil, but they were just worldly. And I probably will watch more of them, but I just need to cling to what is good and not be invested in and love them. And certainly they need to move down below the things on my to do list.

So Casey, thanks for the encouragement you indirectly gave me to use my voice. And thank you Lord for reminding me that my voice is from you and for you.

Casey, I pray for you, Candice and Francine, that you would experience the love of Christ and that you each would put your faith in Him and one day we’ll meet you in heaven and we can laugh about how you and Randall do kinda look and act alike.


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